Chapter 4 - American Life in the Seventeenth Century
KEY TERMS, PEOPLE, AND EVENTS (1607-1692)
The Shithole known as the Chesapeake Area:
Malaria, Dysentery, Typhoid - p. 62 1B - These disease, in addition 2 the humidity, was what made the Chesapeake a shithole. Average life spans were 10 yrs lower than in England.
180 Day Growing Season -This was a crucial element of the Southern plantation colonies, especially 4 the motherfuckers that grew tobacco.
Indentured Servitude - p. 63 2T - In the early days of colonialism, when blacks were expensive 2 get, this was the most common way of getting labor in the colonies.
Headright System - p. 63 2T - This system was created as an incentive 4 merchants 2 get indentured servants over 2 the New World, since that made the economy. Basically, besides getting head, the merchant would be given 50 acres of land 4 each faggot that he brought over. This was a nice way 4 investors 2 get on the road 2 being rich.
Freedom Dues - p. 63 2T - This was the shit that a master was obligated 2 give an indentured servant after his/her 4-7 service time was up. For example they might get some corn, some food, and mebbe land. Later on, however, only the New England guys only gave out land cuz the tobacco fuckers in the south were 2 greedy.
Nathaniel Bacon - p. 64 1B - This horny bitch assembled a large group of other sexually frustrated bitches like him, and together they released all of their jizz upon the aristocrats of Virginia in Bacon’s Rebellion.
William Berkeley - p. 64 1B - The governor of Virginia during Bacon’s Rebellion, he was not at all amused by the threat 2 his getting head. So he beat the shit outta all the horny freemen, and cut all their dicks off.
Royal African Company - p. 65 2T - In 1698 the monopoly that this company had on transporting slaves blew out, allowing 4 a buncha other motherfuckers 2 jack down the price and bring niggas over here like crazy.
“Middle Passage” - p. 66 1B - From 10-25 million niggas made this trip 4um West Africa 2 the New World, although the death rate sometimes ran as high as 20 percent.
“ringshouting” - p. 69 2B - The slaves used this as a form of dancing, 2 promote unity among themselves and as a way of circumventing the restrictions put on them by their masters. Eventually, this developed into jazz.
First Families of Virginia (FFVs) - p. 70 2B - Dominating the Virginia House of Burgesses, these were the guys that had been there since b4 1690. The aristocratic nature of Virginia allowed these big and powerful families 2 get the most blowjobs and pussy, all they could fuck.
The New England Ppl’s Pathetic Lives(Although they lived 10 years more than the English, it was all wasted on stupid-ass religion):
Harvard - p. 73 2B - Founded in 1636, this was the 1st institution of higher learning in the colonies.
Jermiads - p. 74 2T - Afraid that the population would stop being religious faggots, the clergy delivered these speeches, which were fiery things that accused ppl of not being religious and forcing them 2 suck God’s cock or whatever they were supposed 2 do.
“Half-Way Covenant” - p. 74 2T - Since ppl weren’t being religious enuff and the clergy was giving up, they switched 2 this strategy, in which it gave partial rights 2 those not ’converted’. So those guys formed the ‘half-cool’ society.
Salem Witch Trials - p. 74 2B - In another attempt 2 make everybody religious, they picked out some ugly teenage girls that nobody wanted, and hung them by their tits, then finished them off, so everybody would be God-fearing.
Cod - p. 76 1T - This fish, horny as fuck and forever perpetuating itself in the New England Bay are, was the shit that allowed them some sort of economy.
Leisler’s Rebellion - p. 77 2B - Like Bacon’s Rebellion in Virginia, this was a rebellion against the blowjob-lovin’, dildo-shovin’ aristocrats, this time in N.Y. However, this wasn’t on such a great scale, cuz the fighters were merchants and not freemen, so therefore weren’t as horny.
1619 1st Africans arrive in Virginia
1636 Harvard College founded
1662 Half-Way Covenant for Congregational church membership is founded
1670 Virginia assembly disenfranchises landless freemen
1676 Bacon’s Rebellion by freemen in Virginia
1680s Mass expansion of slavery in colonies
1689-1691 Leisler’s Rebellion in N.Y.
1692 Salem witch trails in Massachusetts
1693 College of William and Mary founded
1698 Royal African Company slave trade monopoly ended
1712 N.Y. City slave revolt
1739 South Carolina slave revolt
Authored by Dick Wang the Aznheadmaster69