Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What do you call a man who lost 95 percent of his brainpower?
A: A widower.
"May I take your order?" the waiter asked. "Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" "Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
|
A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"
|
The was a man who had four kids, all gorgeous, except for the youngest one, Craig, who was nothing short of gruesome.
While on his deathbed, the husband asked his wife, "Marie, tell me one thing. And please be honest. Am I Craig's father?"
"Yes, honey," replied his wife. "I promise you, Craig is 100 percent yours."
"I can die a happy man. Godbye my love."
And the man peacefully passed away.
Marie gave a big sigh and said quietly, "Thank heaven almighty he didn't ask me about the other three."
One day a guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc I have these real bad headaches. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Well, to get rid of my headaches I just have sex with my wife." They both laugh.
A week later the patient returns. The doctor asks, "How are you feeling?"
The patient smiles and replies" You were right! I feel so much better. And, by the way, Doc, you have a lovely home."
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
------------------------------
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says "Single are you?"
The woman replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?"
He replies, "Because you're ugly."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
Top Ten Worst Opening
Lines of All Time
by Allen Thompson
Here, direct from the home office in Charlotte, NC are
The Top Ten Worst Opening Lines of All Time:
#10 - You look like a hooker I knew in Phoenix.
#9 - You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
#8 - If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
#7 - You look just like my mama. I love my mama.
#6 - Gross! Somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
#5 - Hey, baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?
#4 - So... is it safe to say I'm gonna get lucky tonight?
#3 - You'll do.
#2 - Wow! Are those real?
And the #1 worst opening line of all time:
"Gee, for a fat girl, you sure don't sweat much."
|
E-mail the Webmaster
|
